one time in 7th grade i was having unbearable intestinal pain like i could not move at all it hurt so bad so i went to the nurse and she sent me home and the second i got home i farted for legitimately 45 seconds and all of the pain disappeared
A deeply touching story
i changed my okcupid profile to say “you should message me if you know any good jokes about giraffes” and someone responded “you, a baby, and a giraffe walked into a bar, and then you walked out with me! ;) ;)” and i’m so angry because that doesn’t even make sense, there is ZERO adherence to structural joke norms, why the fuck is the baby there? did we leave the baby at the bar? jesus christ, did we fucking leave the baby with the fucking giraffe, that is NOT RESPONSIBLE
imagine reading a book of all the lies you’ve told
IDK what kind of lives you all are leading, but this sounds like the boringest shit. “Yes I sent that email.” “Yeah, I like your outfit.” “I was sick.” “My mom said no” “No I wasn’t crying.” “Yes I read the Terms of Service”
what about a book of all the lies people have told you
Oh how the tables have tabled
Odd Romeo and Juliet Tumblr Posts
The doge one kills me.
"What if he’s Romeo and you’re not his Juliet?"
"Then you’re Rosaline and you survive the fucking play."
That one wins.
I lost it at the iPhone thing
people who dry swallow pills go hard as hell and should not be fucked withi used to dry swallow pills until a searing pain developed in my throat and chest and with the help of the world wide web i found out it burned a hole in…